Day 3: I make it happen. But when?

It's Day 3 of Project Me: You make it happen.

Starting a life change is never easy. And never clearly defined, in my opinion. Unless you have Jillian Michaels around to yell and scream and push you into knowing the answer. I'm using her new show "Losing it with Jillian" for inspiration.

I know I want to change and I know eating healthy and working out are the ways to doing that. I'm just having a little trouble wrapping my mind around it. Counting calories is tricky to me. I know there are sites out there that help but I still get stuck sometimes. And man do I want to bake. Baking puts me into a better, happier place. Even if I don't eat the goods, I'm still happy with baking. I just don't want the goods sitting around and trashing them would be a waste. Anyone got any tasty baking recipes that won't make me guilty?

I'm actually looking forward to the gym tonight. Maybe that's because I'm running out of ideas of how to entertain L and Toby keeps puking up his new dog food. It's chunky, slobbery, and smelly. Sorry for the lovely mental image there. I do need to learn how to put together a whole workout and not be self conscious of trying out new gym equipment alone (anyone else feel that way?!) but for now I know 30 (and working my way up) minutes on the treadmill will get me somewhere and I feel good that I can at least do that.

M has extra weight to lose too. Even if he didn't, we need to become a healthier family altogether. But, I'm struggling with recipes. I know there are good ones out there. I think I'm just overwhelming myself with calories and sodium and "oh is that really as good as it seems". And on the 3 nights a week I'm at the gym I need something prepared ahead of time or something M can cook. I think I'll feel better once I get a shopping list and meal plan set. That's the plan for tonight. I may be up late...

On a good note, I can feel little changes inside me. I'm an emotional eater. Something about food just makes me feel better. Ever since I told myself I was doing this, I swear I am telling myself I am hungry when I'm not. It makes no sense. I really didn't have the urge to snack all day or eat right after meals and now I do. It's my brain playing games, I know. It's just annoying. But back to the changes, I'm not having a bad day today just an off day. I'm overwhelmed a bit and tired of dog puke. And tired of being unmotivated. I realize if I feel myself going to eat something out of emotion or boredom, I stop myself before I can. I literally had a cookie in my mouth earlier and I spit it out. I knew I didn't want that cookie. I didn't need it. The 60-80 calories in it weren't worth it. They sure as heck weren't gonna make me feel any better.

I'm on track with my goals though. I'm trying to be conscious of my foods and calories. I'm hitting the gym. I'm taking L and Toby for daily walks. I'm trying to do little things for myself like reading in a bubble bath and painting my nails. Silly, but it makes a girl feel good.

Now, I just have to find things to do through the day to keep me and L from being bored. And not spend money!

Oh, and I'm going to watch "Eclipse" tomorrow night with a friend. That's a mood booster, for sure!