This is totally me today.
So, M is working all day, every day. In the past 3 days, we've spent about 5 hours together. It makes me miss him. I am so thankful that he's got some work right now and we can deal with being apart. It's just an adjustment. Trust me, no complaining here!
But you know what I crave? What I am trying to work through so badly, so strongly. I crave life. A life different than this. Our own life. I miss everyday life in our own place, on our own terms. Big house, small house. Lots of money, little money. It doesn't matter. As long as we have each other and we can make it through.
I miss my cozy sofa thats perfect to sink into on a long, hard day. I miss my crisp, white dishes. I miss having our best friends live just houses down from us. I miss scouring the dollar store with said friends on search for Halloween decorations. I miss the family we left behind. I miss the city we left behind.
I miss making to-do lists and meal plans and shopping every week with my loves. I miss the feeling of summer shifting into autumn. Where the temps in New York drop quick. I miss dragging in boxes from our shed and pulling out harvest-y decor. I miss family weekends spent in the city. I miss cuddling on the sofa, watching "You've Got Mail" and "When Harry Met Sally".
Don't you love New York in the fall? It makes me wanna buy school supplies. - Tom Hanks, You've Got Mail.
Oh that quote gets me every time. I crave New York in the fall.
I miss it all. It hurts my heart knowing that I may not get to celebrate Fall and the holidays like last year. It's not like the holidays aren't around, but I am a homebody. I want comfort and coziness and I can only get that in my own home with my loves. It's not the end of the world but it sucks all the same.
I know one day we'll have it back. That this temporary life we are living is going to change it's course. I know that I have hope, if nothing else. But, going on 7 months into it is pretty hard. We didn't know we'd still be living here in my parents house this long. We didn't know life was going to be this different. And while I appreciate the time we get here with my family and the memories Lia will make, I will be so relieved when we get the news that a permanent job has come along.
I know being angry doesn't help anything but some days I just want to throw a total tantrum. Instead, I search for hopeful words. Words that make me feel like something is going to change.
Let's hope this is true.
PS. Does anyone have any good tips for toddler fun? For the next month or so, it'll be me and L-bug, all day long with nothing to do. We need help!
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