i've felt out of sorts lately. tired. overwhelmed. i feel like my brain has been clogged & my body is dragging. and i don't know why.
today it's sunny. and there is a breeze in the air. the carolina blue skies are bright and full of fluffy clouds. it feels different. it feels like home.
in the past five years i've gotten married, had a miscarriage, had a baby, lived in 3 different states, moved 5 times, transitioned from a military life, to an unemployed life to a civilian life. i've gone back to work. i've left work. i started my own business. i've moved away from friends, lost friends and met new ones. we've started buying our first house. i've seen M take 2 jobs and go back to college. i've learned to do a lot of single parenting.
that is a lot of change. there's a lot of growth and learning experiences crammed in there. and most of the time, i just let it roll off my back. i don't always do great with the changes but i don't fear them. we just take them head on and deal with them. and i think maybe that's why i have felt out of sorts lately.
we're approaching our one year mark here. and things are starting to look the way they did when we moved here. the weather is getting cooler. leaves are starting to fall. the blue skies are out more often than the rain. playdates & storytimes are starting again. these are the only things that i know about our new home state. sure, i've lived here a year. but in that year, i had to learn a whole new routine and new things. we had to get through our first fall, winter, spring and summer here. we had to deal with the weather changes and learning that most friends are out of town during the summer here. but fall? i've already lived one fall here. i know what to expect. we have routines. traditions. it feels a bit more like home and not some new place we're fumbling around in.
i know the sound of the neighborhood livening up as kids get off the school bus. i know we'll go to cahills market for our pumpkins. i know we'll go downtown for the local arts & seafood festival. i know where we'll sit during the christmas parade. and we'll get our christmas tree home the local home depot. these small things are a comfort to me. knowing what to expect. knowing what to look forward too.
of course, things are going to shake up again soon. we close on our house the end of november. there's boxes in our garage and a list of things to do. but i'll have comforts to fall back on. and the little tidbit that after this move - we're done. we can settle down in one place, finally. we can go trick-or-treating in the same neighborhood more than once or twice. we can always know where our christmas tree goes. we'll have roots.
so today i am thankful. thankful for a cooler day. thankful for candy corn. thankful for the hello stamp i found at target. thankful for skinny jeans and corduroy skirts for the little one. thankful for fun mornings at the park. thankful for finding the sitcom parenthood and thankful the library has the first season in stock. i am thankful that my spirit is happy today.
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