AT MY WITS END

This was supposed to be the Easter post. A start in the right direction of catching up and keeping up with my blog. As I was adding one of the last photos, I must have hit a wrong button. Poof. My blog post was gone. And stupid blogger auto-save decided to save right.that.second. There was no undoing it.

Two hours of hard work and precious nap time wasted. And, I'm pissed. I'm a crying, blubbering, very angry mess.

So now it's a vent post. Because I rarely ever vent here. It's my blog, but it's to keep up with my family and I hate stepping on people's toes but I'm tired of stepping on my own.

This blog is my only outlet. One of the only things that keeps my head on straight. When I blog, the world feels right. When I don't, I feel like a mess. Silly? Maybe. That's just how it is.

It may have been just an Easter post full of pictures and it probably won't take two hours to rewrite. But it was just the end of my wits.

As you know (or maybe you don't, so here you go), M was discharged from the Marine Corp the end of February. Things happened quicker than we expected so we quickly packed up our house, tied loose ends and made the move to North Carolina to live temporarily with my parents.

With the government all screwed up now, the big job possibilities M had are frozen. I like my ice cream frozen, not my possibilities.

Here we are, two whole months later, still living in limbo. Limbo messes with me. It throws me off balance and it makes me unhappy. It makes me not the girl I want to be.

L is doing fine. She loves being near her grandparents, all the dogs here, the outdoors and having mommy and daddy around all the time. I don't think she's really noticed life has changed so much.

M is doing okay. He's much better at staying put together than me. He wants a job and he applies all the time and he wants our life back too, but he's doing okay with where we are.

Me? Not so much. I am thankful we have somewhere to stay. I am so thankful God is still looking out for me and my family and I know there's a reason we don't have a job yet. I am thankful my parents are letting us live here.

I just need my own space, my own life....

I know I should just stay postive and open-minded and that everything happens for a reason. I did that the first month and a half. Now, I'm struggling with what I know is right and what my tired mind is telling me.

Don't we all just need to vent sometimes? Isn't it good to just get it out? I'm feeling a little better already. I am just so frustrated at this point and I'm trying to hold on and keep it together.

I crave a home for my family. A job to provide for us. To use my pretty white dishes again. Have a computer at my disposal that isn't slow as molasses. To sink down into my new and so comfortable sofa at the end of the day. To cook and bake in my own kitchen. Normal, everyday things that are taken for granted.

I just want my life back.

P.S.
Sorry for putting this blahhhness out there. I understand if you didn't read it. I don't blame you. I just needed to get it off my chest. I can't keep pretending like everything is perfect. I can't keep up that way. Things aren't pefect, but they could be worse. I just have to keep moving on with my head as high as I can manage.

Maybe with this out there, I won't struggle to blog like I have been. I can't promise it will be as often as I'd like considering the circumstances but I will try and I will be honest. My life isn't all sunshine and daisies and I guess it's about time that showed here.