ON MOTHERHOOD

12/12/13

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Being a mom is the most treasured gift I've ever received. And wrapped inside is a wonderfully complicated life. Motherhood is repetitive and different all at the same time. But this post says that best. For me, it's peanut butter sandwiches. It's picking up the towel from the bathroom floor over and over because little hands can pull it down but can't reach to put it away. It's puzzles and tiny toys scattered around. It's the nap time that I big puffy heart love. And the cranky fights about taking a nap that I do not love. It's chocolate milk and apple slices. It's bear hugs and "I love yous". And every little moment in between.

I read an article a few days ago that really resonated with me. Well, more like it slapped me in the face. It hurts to admit it but I saw myself in the writer. I go through every day feeling on edge. Rushing from one task to another, feeling like I have to get everything done while also feeling like I've done nothing. That's crazy talk! If you've ever gotten a spirited and independent three year old girl ready for an outing, you've pretty much ran a marathon.

Instead of giving myself credit for what I have done, I keep tacking things onto my list for tomorrow. I forgot that I'm in today. Right now. And my daughter will never ever be exactly who she is today. She'll grow and learn, day by day. One day she's going to be a teenager and our relationship could turn sour and I'll look back on these days and know I could have done things differently. I don't want to wait for tomorrow. Dishes can wait. Laundry can wait. The constant cleaning and tidying up can wait. But painting? That can't wait. Playing dolls, board games and puzzles, bear hugs around my legs? They can not wait. There won't always be a tomorrow for those things.

There is a stubbornness creating in my girl. I can see it in her actions, I can hear it in her tone. We struggle with it all the time and I lose my patience with her. I had a full meltdown when she dropped a cup of milk last week. And all that went through my head was "no use in crying over spilt milk". But I couldn't get the words out. I wasn't the kind, reassuring mom that I always thought I'd be. I was angry and mean. The truth hurts.

So, I'm taking the writer's advice. Only love today. Love for myself and my abilities. Love for my amazing husband who handles way more than he should. And for my girl. My girl who deserves the world.

PS. This little nugget of advice is a gem.
"if i had one piece of advice for mama’s to be, it would be to remember that everything is a phase. everything, whether it be torrentially frustrating or wondrously cute, is fleeting. remember this when your toddler is having a meltdown in public and also when she gives you a bear hug on your legs while you are making supper. it helps one appreciate the entire journey with all of it’s ups and downs."
From here.

2 comments:

  1. I've been reminding myself this too. I'm always rushing and worrying about what I need to do. I feel like I have been getting irritated a lot easier now too but I think it's bc I'm just SO exhausted, not from being a mommy but from worrying! Glad you shared this. You described motherhood perfectly! AND I'm jealous of her polka dot shirt!

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    1. I am jealous of her just about all of her clothes, ha! Kids get the best wardrobe. I realized that I snap at her or lose my patience when someone is bothering me and I'm not dealing with it the right way. And she can't learn patience if I don't teach it to her. It's funny how much we, as moms, still learn during motherhood.

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