MELTDOWNS

I don't know if all babies go through a meltdown period at 3 months old or if Manny + I are just really, really lucky (note the sarcasm. it's dripping in it). Okay, we are lucky. Very lucky. Out of all the babies we've known to be born around the time Lia was, most of them are/were sick. We thank our lucky stars everytime we look at our precious baby girl that she's here and she's healthy. We will go through heck and back for her, no second thoughts. That doesn't mean we don't get aggravated at times. It doesn't mean we don't want to vent sometimes, even if we feel guilty for it. I speak "we" because I think he feels the same as I do, i'm not talking for him. But back to the meltdowns. We took Lia on a roadtrip to North Carolina to visit her grandma + poppa and meet her uncle matt for the first time (my side of the family). It's a 10-12 hour ride, I think it took us 10 hours this time around. A last minute decision to drive through the night put us leaving here around 11 pm Wednesday night. Driving through the night ensured darkness meaning Lia would probably sleep the whole way. She did! Most of it minus a couple feedings. She stayed in her carseat a better part of the 10 hour drive. It probably wasn't the best for her but it was dark + cold + kind of creepy in those rest areas that late at night. Lia's first meltdown started about an hour away from my parent's house. She screamed and screamed and finally quieted down after a bottle and her paci. Once we got to my parent house, we ended up in the car driving another hour (2 hours roundtrip) to surprise my dad + brother at the jobsite they were working on. The second meltdown started on the way. She screamed her little heart out, no matter what Manny did to calm her. He ended up letting her cry it out (we'll get to that later). I chalked it all up to being in the carseat so long on the ride to NC. She had a few more little meltdowns during the trip. Still, I chalked it up to long ride and not being at home and having the normalness that home entails. For the ride back, we left a little later (2 am) but still I figured we'd get at least 5 good hours of darkness for Lia to sleep. She woke up for a feeding a little after 7 am. 5 hours, awesome! After that, not so awesome. She was cranky. She was fussy. She had her good moments and then she had her bad moments. At one point, we stopped on the side of the road and I squeezed in the back seat between the Lia + stinky Toby in his stinky kennel (and he still has't had his bath!) to try and calm her down. She did end up falling alseep for awhile and the trip got a little easier. I took the wheel so Manny could nap or relax (he can't really nap while i'm driving, he isn't used to being the passenger lol) and all was good. Lia had a few more of her moments but nothing horrible. Then we hit Manhattan. The dreaded hour from home. Cue the meltdown. The screaming. The tears. The loud noises like she's choking on air. I tryed feeding her. It worked. For the 2 minutes she was sucking down the bottle. The screaming started up again. I leaned over the seat countless times to rub her head and put her paci in her mouth. My hard work didn't go far. Nothing I did comforted her. NYPD was everywhere so I couldn't lean over the back as much as I needed. We let her cry it out. I hate that term. I hate all the crap it comes with. The big argument of whether to let your baby "cry it out" erks me. I don't like letting Lia cry it out. It seems mean and i'm a sucker. I can't sit there and see her so upset and not pick her up. That doesn't mean I think parents who let their babies cry it out are heartless, by any means. It's every parents choice how they raise their kids. I respect other parents + as return, I hope they respect me. But, like I said, i'm weak. I pick Lia up when she's crying. It probably shows her I'll always do it, but i'm her mom. Of course, I'll always do it. After this trip though, i've let Lia cry it out. Twice. We had another meltdown yesterday and today. Yesterday, we resorted to the great outdoors. We tryed the stroller and she wasn't having any part in that. The neighbors probably thought we were horrible parents who couldn't shut their kid up. Who cares? But in an attempt to calm her down, I did pick her up and rocked her around the block until her screams ended and she fell alseep. Back at home, I tryed laying her down in her crib to sleep. Fat chance of that happening. Cue the screaming and the tears. I ended up feeding her a little while after that and then passed her over to Manny with the sling. She was wide awake despite needing a nap. She did fall asleep in the sling and then later in my arms as I rocked her in bed and then later again in her swing while Manny + I caught up with our DVR. However, I think bedtime was rough. Manny took it and I haven't had time to talk to him other than kisses + wishes for a good day while he was on his way out the door but I do remember some screams last night. She was doing good with bedtime for a while too. I took over this morning around  7 am when Manny left for work and Lia took her bottle and a few minutes later fell alseep on her own - no tears or screaming needed. Of course, I knew that wasn't a sign the day was going to be easy. It was just an easy morning. She woke up around 9:30 or so,ate around 10, and was quiet for a little while. Then the meltdown happened. I sat her every which way, I tryed the swing, I layed her down and rubbed her head. I considered the outdoors but it's a dreary + gray, chilly day. Walking her around over my shoulder helped. I started loading her bottles in the dishwasher while holding her and she did good. Then I had to put her down so I could run out to my car quickly and after that she just kept screaming. I left her crying in her swing while I finished with the dishwasher. She was still screaming and I had all intentions of picking her up until I had a thought. She's going to scream either way. She won't let me rock her to sleep right now (i had tryed a few times). What normally works isn't working today. So I let her cry. A bit later (I wasn't timing, but I could guess 10 minutes or so), she had cryed herself to sleep. It breaks my heart. It literally hurts me to hear her so upset and not be able to fix it. I can assume what I think she needs and try to give it to her, but even when I'm right, my attempts can fail. I guess sometimes they just need to cry and figure it out themselves. I don't think I could handle her crying it out every time but I guess I now realize it isn't going to cause damage and make her think she isn't wanted (whats with baby articles saying if you let a baby cry it out he/she is going to feel unwanted?!?). I understand she could feel unwanted if we never helped her, but I don't think I (or any of you) should feel bad for letting them cry sometimes, if nothing else works. I hope Lia's meltdowns are just a stage. As Manny said, he hopes her meltdowns happen now and when we hit the "terrible 2's" she'll be an angel! Either way, we are so blessed to have her in our lives but sometimes a momma just has to let it out.

Wow. Long post. Let me say this though, we did really enjoy our trip to NC! I loved seeing Lia bond with my parents and brother. Her poppa is absolutely smitten with her. I'll post pictures soon! We had good family time and enjoyed some very yummy food we can't get around these parts and I got to catch up with a couple friends. Oh, and I scored quite a bit of good deals yardsaling with my mom. All in all, a great weekend trip. Counting down the days until the next one in June where Lia will be meeting her Aunt Shell!

On a more serious note, I want to send my familys condolences to Mrs P and her beautiful baby girl. She lost her husband and baby Ariana's daddy in Afganistan last week. I can't imagine the pain and sorrow she is feeling right now but she's going through it with grace and strength. I am so thankful I still have my hero here with me + Lia. Even though I don't know her personally (I follow her blog), a story like this hasn't hit quite so close to home before this. We're the same age and our baby girls are only a few weeks apart. She is going through every military wife's biggest fear. The online community of military gals + guys has really come together and showed their support for them. I just wanted to share this because she is going to need everyone's thoughts + prayers to help her get through this. I'm so very thankful for every person out there fighting for our freedom and I will be forever grateful to them (including my husband!).

Just because you don't support the war doesn't mean you can't support the troops.

Be on the lookout later for pictures and please, keep Mrs P in your thoughts + prayers!
And, if you wanna be nice and click the links if you want to vote for me @ topmommyblogs + topbabyblogs, i'd be really happy (: