TO MY SWEET BOY ON HIS FIRST BIRTHDAY

Nicolas, 

Tonight we made you a cake and fed you spaghetti. It's quickly becoming one of your favorite foods. Then your daddy put you to bed while I cleaned up and my mind keeps going back to the day you were born.

I still remember walking outside the evening before you were born and I looked up at the gorgeous sky and my mind was a jumble of nerves. We waited years for you to come and it was still hard to believe that you would be in our arms the next morning.

I cried during your birth. I was nervous and scared and full of excitement. And I will always remember the moment I heard you cry. You came out looking like a very angry and wrinkled little man. You weighed 6 lbs 4 oz and you were 19 inches long. I remember telling your daddy that you weren't much smaller than your sister was when she was born. 

We cried and we took a lot of photos. I remember feeling very well taken care of. Then I was whisked off to a recovery room and you followed shortly. Those first few hours, you laying on my chest quietly, are some of my most favorite hours. Our entire hospital stay was peaceful. Day and night your father and I were able to soak up your newborn goodness. We learned that you really liked to being tightly swaddled with two blankets. We tried breastfeeding and while we weren't great, we didn't totally fail those first few days. We took even more pictures and kissed your sweet head and changed your tiny diapers.

And when we brought you home, it all felt right. You bring our family full circle. I don't know what's to come in the future or if we'll have more kids (we may!) but, you my dear were always meant to be with us. We waited years for you and you were worth the wait.

Today, you are ONE. I've spent all day telling your dad things like "he's been one for a whole hour" and "oh no, tomorrow he'll be one and a day". I've probably been driving him a bit mad but my mama heart is so mixed with feelings.

I am overwhelmed with happiness for you. I can see it every day that you are enjoying growing up. It's what you want to do. You are adventurous and wild. You are curious. You also like to eat your sister's flip flops. We aren't too sure where that comes from. But you are one amazing and brave little boy.

But, it's a bittersweet day. I miss your newborn days. I miss dressing you up in tiny rompers. I miss wearing you in our favorite wrap at the park and story time. I miss walking you around the house singing Hey Jude to calm you down. I miss settling in on the sofa to feed you. I even kind of miss those late night feedings where we bonded in the dark.

No longer do you sit still. No longer to you let me dress you and change your diapers. You just don't have time for that! You need to move and bounce and explore. You take your bottles in a highchair now because that's the only place you will sit still. Sometimes you like to try squirming your way out of the sling and ergo now. Baby wearing is not a cozy fest like it used to be. 

Your smile charms everyone. Even the ladies in our local market. You are a mama's boy. Some days you are stuck to me like glue. I'm not denying that I'm a big fan of that.

I'm a big fan of you, Nico. We all are. You're the sunshine in our lives. You make us all laugh and you brighten up our darker days.

WE LOVE YOU!!

Happy Birthday Nicolas Finn. I am so excited for this life you are going to live!